Hello and welcome,

When I saw how well this website thing worked out for Tom Cruise and his career, I realized I needed to jump on the bandwagon right away. I'm sure this magical interweb place will turn my already brilliant career into exactly the same kind Tom Cruise has right now. And if you haven't already, you must have a look-see at Mr. Cruise's site! You won't regret it! All right, here goes, just as Tom taught me:

It is almost impossible to believe that I'm almost about to celebrate the first not even almost starring role I had in the feature film A Blast from the Past. I played a most likely gay dude who found Brendan Fraser's character both deliciously cute and completely retarded, and while I did not have any scenes with Sissy Spacek and Christopher Walken, I continue to claim that I "worked with them" anyway. In celebration of this occasion, in addition to my twelve years of doing many wonderful commercials for many wonderful products for many wonderful dollars, I created this site (and by "I created" I mean "I suckered my poor sister into designing it for free") as a thank you, to you, for sharing the journey with me which I realize wasn't completely voluntary on your part since most of what you've seen me in are commercials. I invite you to explore the future with me. And by "the future" I mean "my pants."

I love the movies. I love making them. I love watching them. I love sitting down in my seat in the movie house with my popcorn and soda in hand (my right hand is incredibly large and can hold multiple items) and escaping into the world on the big screen before me. I like to crunch on the popcorn as loudly as possible, and I enjoy making big slurping noises on my jumbo Mountain Dew. I also like to set my cell's ring tone to the latest Fergie single and talk at a perfectly audible level during the most important parts of the film.

While I can't say I've had anything close to living the self indulgent dream I've had since I was a child, I can say I've enjoyed being a part of film and television projects that have made you laugh, cry, sit on the edge of your seat, get a little nauseous, feel horribly guilty about being an American, and most importantly, buy things. Truth be told, I moved out here to break into pornography, and I'm just doing all this other crap until my ship comes in.

I've had the great pleasure of working with some of the most important performing artists of our time. Such as a running back from the Dallas Cowboys whose name I can't remember because I don't follow sports, and those two actors who played the Cunninghams on Happy Days, and the guy with the silly ears from Star Trek, and the shorter one of the two stoners from Cheech and Chong's Up In Smoke, and that pretty blonde Australian guy who was in the last George Romero zombie movie that got a wide theatrical release. Oh, yeah, and that chick who quit CSI. Oh, eff, and I almost forgot that Madonna rubbed her crotch on my thigh which has left a terrible rash I can't seem to get rid of even with the most expensive ointments. What a lucky, lucky wonderful and miraculous career I have had so far! And to think, it's only begun! Unless I decide to quit and go back to working behind a cash register at a gift store, which was ultimately just as spiritually rewarding.

This is for you, my minions. You are so lucky to have me! Enjoy!
With love and appreciation,
Todd